How I got here...and where I am going

I use to be skinny, really skinny. And I wish I could wear this fact pinned to my shirt like a name tag. As is "I'm not really chubby - I'm going through a phase". Nevermind that the "phase" has lasted 3 years now.

That's me - in the upper right hand corner (green hoochy mama shirt). T minus 1 month before getting knocked up

Funny story - Right after my son was born I went looking for some "transition" clothes (since I was so going to slip right back into my size 6 pants in a matter of weeks). A friend and I (also post partum) made a visit to the local Lane Bryant for some "big girl pants". We emerged succesful, and with this f'd up sense of superiority - we might be a bit fluffy but at least we were not like "those people", and we had infants to prove it.

And here I am at my sisters wedding at my very fattest.

But here is the truth of it. I am "those people." I think about my weight at least twice a minute. I obsess. I pinch. I mash. I glare at the mirror. I loathe. I let my weight determine both my happiness and my success. I have spent almost three years not really living my life. I was "too fat" to date, "too fat" to enjoy my sport of choice, "too fat" to go after my dream job.

And then one day, I woke up, the veil was lifted, and the smell of my self perpetuated bull shit finally became too much to take. So I changed.

This has not been/ will not be easy. And the purpose of this blog is not to inform the public at large (no pun intended) how I have done everything right and how the should follow suit. The purpose of this blog is to document my journey back from the edge. If it inspires you - great. If you want to throw pies at me - fine (just make sure they are low fat). Regardless - Enjoy!